Who Is Cheryl?

Recently, I was asked, “Who is Cheryl?”  I gulped slowly as I pondered how to answer this question.  I marvel at watching young women, including my daughters, who have the opportunity to discover who they are.

My life was pretty complicated at the very onset. Being a mother at any age is a huge endeavor and is a lifetime of responsibility. Becoming a mother at 13 meant that my priorities had shifted, and I no longer believed I had the opportunity to dream. I had to quickly learn to live and survive, not only for myself, but also for my child. It is only after raising my children that I now feel I have the time to sit and answer this question…..  So “Who is Cheryl?”

I was the underdog.

I have always rooted for the underdog and rallied around them to help them overcome their circumstance.   Looking back, I know that I root for the underdog because I see myself in them. People did not expect much of me due to my circumstances; they did not invest in my growth.  My birth mother was a teenage mother who had me at the age of 15. I was raised by my grandparents (although I did not know this until I was 6 or 7 years old). I was the victim of sexual assault by a member of my family and a family friend by the age of 10. I became a teenage mother by the age of 13.

I am reflective. I’ve made mistakes and will continue to make more.

I know that I am not perfect by any stretch of the imagination.  I have pushed myself to be the best that I can be, especially as it relates to being a mother. It was challenging to raise a child that I was not much older than.  I often told her “I am the Mama.” What I meant by that was that I was going to do the very best I could to create a future for her that I did not have. Now, we are both high school and college graduates and are able to make a living for ourselves and enjoy life. Back then, I made good decisions about going to school to make myself marketable in the Corporate world; which laid the foundation for me to work and support us both. But, I fell short on other things. For example, I was very uptight about the slightest possibility that she would become a teenage mother.  As a mother, I was so afraid that men would try to take advantage of her, as I had been taken advantage of. Back then, I did not know not understand that my past was not going to be her future. She was a totally different person than I was. My past kept me in fear and as a result I was very controlling.  Fortunately now years later, I can share with her the earlier lens I had and why I was so very restrictive in her upbringing. More importantly, she understand the complications associated with being a child of a mother who is a survivor of sexual trauma.

I am a Survivor and a Warrior!

It took me a while to acknowledge that I am not responsible for being sexually assaulted. Today, I can share with other people and believe within myself that it was not my fault.  Quite frankly, it is not the fault of countless other young girls and boys who unfortunately share my past. I no longer carry around baggage of shame and guilt as I did nothing wrong. I was the victim. I was not a “fast ass... hot tail little girl.” I did not deserve what happened to me. It took hard work, including counseling and anger management, to reach this point. Through this I was finally able to acknowledge my past and embrace myself. Now, I am able to enjoy healthy relationships with men, my family and with friends. I live, laugh and am able to be free again!

Have you stopped and thought about who you are (instead of  what others think about you or who they tell you you are)? If you haven’t or if it has been sometime since you have done so, I challenge you to take a moment and think about who you are.  You do not need to be perfect, but do you like who you are?

Would you like to be or do something different? Are you becoming your best self? How can you begin to live your best life?